Friday, August 10, 2007

Cheaper Buy the Bourbon, or: More Booze for the Buck

So, I came to a realization the other day. Long ago, I made a dare, a bet, a challenge, a what-have-you with Michelle Nerdella (not her real name), a co-worker at the movie theater. It was in the interest of health, to see who could not drink any soda the longest. I lost. Quickly. It wasn't even a week. It's hard to make such a bet when one of the (few) perks of the job is free soda. Oh, but you have to bring your own cup. Like I can remember to do that. I just used our courtesy cups.

Long story short, Michelle won the bet having lasted months longer than I. Even in defeat, I realized the health benefits to a soda-free life and tried to resume such a diet, though I soon added the caveat that were I to ingest this soda as a part of an alcoholic beverage, a mixer, the drink wouldn't count. Beyond that minor transgression, I was no longer a soda drinker.

This is a truth that I have falsely gone along with for some time now. Not only have I often had soda, I have often had soda. And not with the requisite booze. And while I felt bad about those moments of weakness, I told myself that with booze it was okay.

What did this really mean? Every now and then, I would have a small cup of soda at work, a drink with dinner when we went out, or a glass or two at home if I was feeling really weak. But in truth (and this is that realization I was talking about), this meant that instead of curbing my soda intake, I stepped up my booze intake such that I was drinking just as much soda as before, but now with substantially larger quantities of liquor along with it. This was that caveat I allowed myself, and I was abusing it.

The best remedy to this situation? Let's dicsuss:

1) Beer!. It's tasty and its carbonated. Much like soda. But those calories will go straight to my long-established beer belly. We're trying to reduce that.

2) Cheaper bourbon: Yes, I want to lower my expenses in addition to drinking less booze, and this solution tackles the first point, while leaving the second point up to my own personal will. If I go bottom-shelf bourbon, not only will the booze and the Safeway Select that I promise I'll drink it with impact the wallet less, perhaps the awful taste will decrease my desire for the sweet, sweet fire water.

3) Everclear: An option similar to point #2. With it's higher alcohol content (considerably so), I have to drink less of it to get to a happy level of intoxication. This means less soda intake. But I don't know if I can handle the stuff the way I used to. Lawnmowers and their "bloody" off-shoot are a reminder of the Busta Kappa days, and I don't know if thats a good thing.

4) Stop drinking altogether: This option isn't really on the table, but should be included to take in all points of view. But only wussies would endorse this option.

So what does my future hold? I think I'll go with option #2 for the time being. Old Crow might be just as good as Wild Turkey (doubtful) , but alcohol is alcohol. And Safeway Select is just as good as Pepsi (doubtful as well). Unfortunately, the "cheaper" aspect of this solution may make the purchase of booze and soda less of a concern for me, and my speedy consumption thereof less worrisome. This means I may end up drinking more than I currently do. A liquid amount that will surpass my current intake, but a dollar amount that will be largely similar. Am I really coming out any better on this? Time will tell.

I think I have a problem.

1 comment:

WWB said...


Buy expensive bourbon, or scotch or cognac, so you don't have to mix it.

Bonus points for drinking like Dean Martin, too.